Maybe You’re Sure About Me After All, And It Was Just A Means To An End

I shouldn’t admit this

Maybe it’s pathetic or simply too much

Because I’m really good at being too much, aren’t I

But yours was the best damn kiss I’ve ever had

And what kills me is that I bet you can’t say the same

Because you fall differently than I do

And I’ve never fallen for the right or good or, God forbid, the great ones

Which I honestly thought could be you

Or maybe somebody like you

But I like you

You could be right and good and maybe even great, but you don’t want it to be you

You changed your opinion and I still don’t really know why

So I told myself on the drive home to stop smiling, stop smiling, stop smiling

Stop thinking about your eyes looking into mine as you leaned in to me

The mid-conversation interruptions and my voice shaking so slightly

Stop thinking about your hand reaching for mine

Because you’re going to pull away

It won’t last longer than a night

And it didn’t

And I hate that I really think I can just be your friend

Until you say something witty or I catch you smiling mischievously

And my stomach does that fluttering thing again

Or maybe that’s my heart, but I think they’re somehow connected anyway

God I wish whatever it is, it would just control itself for once

But how do I let go of the thing in me that can’t let things go

So all I can think about is reliving that night again

To know what it would be like to stay at your center of attention

To feel that sense of comfort like we don’t know each other well but we will

Because we could have known each other so well

If only you hadn’t stopped asking me real questions, so I guess we’re at a standstill

I just miss believing for a split second

That I could be enough for somebody I want to be enough for

I wish I didn’t care about people as much as I always do

So excuse me if I push you away

I just kind of really like you

And you’re just kind of not sure about me

13 – LANY


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