Gabby Gabrielle G.G. Gabs it-doesn’t-matter-because-your-name-doesn’t-define-you-like-you-think-it-does,
Slow down, but speed up.
You’re so overly concerned with the future that you’re not allowing anything to happen to prepare for it. You unintentionally took a year off to figure things out and all you have done is confuse yourself further. In fact, you’ve confused yourself so much that you’re now getting random tremors in your hands and passing out from stress, which is apparently a thing that can happen. I will say that it may not be a completely bad thing since you’re one step closer to getting actual answers, but just chill the heck out dude. You’re fine.
Your mind runs at a thousand miles a minute to the point where you don’t allow yourself to actually complete a single thought. I’ve never known anyone else who can overthink themselves to the point of not being able to think anymore, so let me remind you that your cool-as-a-cucumber exterior isn’t fooling anybody anymore. I don’t think it ever did. You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions. That’s okay. You’ve learned to accept it and are working on it. Go you.
You can officially say now that you’re in your twenties. You, an ever-contradictory kind of person, don’t know how to feel about that. Remember that you don’t have to feel anything specific. Your experiences are your own. Your life never feels as great as other’s appear. I get it: you’re unhappy with yourself. You suddenly despise your quiet nature as it continues to fail you the older you get. You now find yourself constantly wishing you were one of those naturally likable and fun people. We all know who they are even if we’ve never personally held a conversation with them. They’re easy-going, extroverted but never obnoxious, able to hold an intelligent conversation but also know how to make small talk like nobodies business, and usually attractive in a totally natural I-didn’t-even-try way. Us outsiders really want to be annoyed by them, and we often try, but we can’t bring ourselves to even dislike them a little bit as soon as one of them glances in our direction or says something nice to us because they’re just that damn likable.
I’m sorry honey, but that’s not you.
Guess what? That’s okay! You’ll find people you mesh with. You’ve done it before, you can do it again. In the meantime, keep working on your social skills and stop hating yourself so much. Seriously, calm down. No one sees you with as much of a judgmental perspective as you do. Plus, you have your own attributes that even those abnormally likable people would be jealous of.
One day you might just wake up to realize you found a go-to group of friends that you can always hang out with without any pressure, just like you’ve been wanting. One day you will have to figure out where you’re going to live, but for now you have a home with your parents and that’s perfectly normal for several more years. One day you will get ahold of your love life. One day things might not go according to plan, you’re going to be thrown a few curve balls, but that’s life. Expect it, but don’t obsess over it because it’s going to happen either way. I don’t need to remind you to be cautious because I already know you will be.
Be a little less cautious, in fact. Let go. Breathe. Planning isn’t a bad thing, but find a good balance. Take life as it comes.
More than anything, hold firm to your faith in God. You might not know what you’re doing, but thank goodness He does.
The part of you that knows happiness will not suddenly hit you; you have to find joy in every phase of life.