New Video (Finally)

How long has it been since I posted a video on my YouTube channel? A couple months, I think. Maybe more. Whoops. Well there’s a new one up now, so please check it out!

Homeless

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Awkward Silence

I wonder what it would be like to craft conversations like beautiful pieces of art,

Each word carefully chosen and individually placed exactly where it belongs.

I will leave each social situation unfazed,

No fear or confusion left to haunt me at night because surely nothing will be left unsaid.

My words will sound as intentional as I always intend them to be,

Drawing people in and then making them want to stay just for a chance of a little more.

Crowds will hold on to every sound like even the tiny breaths escaping my lips matter,

Even if not a single syllable it makes a difference in the end.

At least I could fall sleep at night,

Maybe I could understand the definition of being confident one time.

Instead I am clumsy and I am inconsistent,

Every word is an unexpected stranger hiding in the unreachable crevices of my mind.

Pretty words do not glide out of my lips,

But they fall and tumble and awkwardly try to stand up.

They are not strong enough on their own,

Let alone able to support the weight of any others that should surround them.

But worse than that is when they start to silently argue,

None of them able to agree on who has to leave the place they’ve grown comfortable in.

So they’re all too shy to help me,

Stepping on each other’s toes while they fumble for their individual hiding places.

Once again I am left speechless,

Trying to form a single sentence simply so I can say I did not fail today.


 

I Am A Rock – Simon & Garfunkel

 

Permanent

You loved her at sixteen.

Defiant but fragile in her own ways;

Hungry for an uncertain future;

Awkwardly growing up even when she felt like she was regressing.

You loved her at twenty.

With wavering confidence that often held her down;

Simultaneously terrified of and impatient for what was to come of you and her;

Full of hope and yearning for a boy 700 miles away.

You will love her at thirty, fifty, seventy years old.

A romance that’s more than an initial spark but a indistinguishable flame itself;

Two hearts who always find their way back to each other;

Love that is permanent.

And she loves you just the same.


 

I Get To Love You – Ruelle

Care

There is a girl who cares for you.

A girl with trembling hands and honeysuckle eyes that wander in every possible direction, but she contents herself to stay steady and strong for you.

There is a girl who cares for you.

She feels awkward and unsure every time she tries to dance, with each of her legs in a constant disagreement over which foot belongs to whom, but she likes it when you spin her in circles on top of your toes.

There is a girl who cares for you.

“Play it one more time,” she says with an emphatic grin because she can’t get enough of the melodic sounds you create with your hands or the uncontrollable crack in your voice whenever she makes your cheeks burn.

There is a girl who cares for you.

She doesn’t consider herself useful in giving support because all she can do is offer advice, but she knows you just want her when you’re breaking apart so she wraps herself around you and musters a smile so you don’t have to.

There is a girl who cares for you.

She doesn’t see you everywhere she turns because she is comfortable knowing that there is no mistaking you for any other person, but pieces of you still live in every crevice of her life – from the corner store where you always buy a soda on the way to the beach to the hundreds of freckles scattered on her arms that you absentmindedly trace when you kiss her.

There is a girl who cares for you.

She knows that you haven’t had an asthma attack in years but she always makes sure you carry your inhaler wherever you go; she knows how much you love seafood and how poorly she cooks it; she knows the reason why you have scars on your wrist shaped like circles despite only telling her the backstory one time when you thought she wasn’t listening; she knows how much you wish your father would treat you more like a son rather than the other way around and she never knows the right thing to say about it; she knows that your car is unreliable and your phone service sucks and she knows that it makes her miss you that much more.

There is a girl who cares for you.

And she knows you care for her too.


 

for him. – Troye Sivan

Tell Her Something True

She doesn’t want your broken promises.

Do you think she stays because she doesn’t know any better?

Please, give her more credit than that.

You like her because she’s smart, right?

That’s what you tell her every time she dreams aloud and you don’t know how to reply.

You think she has just enough naivety in her to fall for the fairytales you throw together.

Do you honestly believe that you can outwit a girl like her?

She fabricates stories for a living.

She weaves her words and thoughts and ideas together like poetry.

No, she stays despite knowing exactly what’s going on in your heart.

She can read into your every move, your every action and word you choose to speak.

She knows what you really mean even before you do.

All she’s doing is waiting for you to speak up.

You’ll fight her, pretending you don’t know why in the world she is so upset…again.

You might go so far as to call her crazy when you’re out drunk with your friends.

But you know the truth, don’t you?

Dig a little deeper.

Break down that manly exterior you’ve built around your shattering body.

Just this once, tell her something true.

Don’t feed her what she wants to hear.

She can see through such simple deception.

She wants something real.

Even if it breaks her, she wants it.

It won’t hurt more than knowing you can never be straightforward with her.

After all this, all you’ve been through, all the chances she gave you?

The truth is hanging over her head on a delicate string that’s nearly worn out by now.

Then finally you take her hand, look into her hopeful eyes, and make a choice.

The string breaks.

Your truth is coming down on her one way or another, so she simply lets it happen.

She collapses under the weight of what you’ve done.

She’s finished.


 

Song: Look Her In The Eye And Lie – Alan Jackson

 

Quote #4

“Content thyself to be obscurely good.

When vice prevails, and impious men bear sway,

The post of honor is a private station.”

– Joseph Addison (Cato, 1713)