I don’t know what I’m doing. Does that surprise you? Probably not, but do you know what you’re doing either? HA. Come on. None of us really do, despite the fact that we love to appear like we have it all figured out.
Today, I really felt like blogging. Today, I allowed myself to blog because I feel good about where I am emotionally. It’s been a conscious thought these past two weeks (and technically one day, but I caved and posted once, so it evens out to two weeks exactly) to not blog. Gabby, don’t give in. You can make it to two weeks.
I’m glad I stayed away and forced myself to take a break, but neither my perspective nor my opinion on my blog changed until I actually sat down and wrote about it. That’s right, I’ve spent a majority of these two weeks not writing at all. Little things here and there when I couldn’t resist, but overall, I’ve hardly touched either my notebook or my laptop. It was actually quite nice to not feel so busy and weighed down by guilt if I didn’t write successfully every single day, but man I really can’t figure anything out if I don’t put pen to paper. Or, alternatively, fingers to keyboard. It’s good to write again. For me.
I don’t know if I’m quite ready to come back full force and blog everyday like I was pre-hiatus. I don’t know if I will ever do that full-time again. I don’t know a lot of things! I do know that I’m here now. I know that, for the second half of my self-proclaimed hiatus, I will post when I am inspired and leave it at that. I cut myself off completely for two weeks, and I’ll spend two more posting sporadically as I see fit.
I constantly feel the need to put myself in a box. I am a poet, I’ll say. Meanwhile, I will ignore my desires to also be an author and anything else I want to be simply because I don’t want to come across like I don’t know what I’m doing or that I have too many interests (spoiler alert, I don’t and I do). Yet, most of the blogs I love the most don’t post about one thing everyday. Most people I know don’t stick to doing one thing everyday. How boring would that be?
I can write a novel, write poetry, write rambling posts like this, take photos, make videos, create art, run a Disney blog on the side, bake cupcakes and brownies, learn the ukulele, design clothing that I will never actually make, be an avid reader, be a library page, be a babysitter, go to church, go to school, hang out with friends, watch mind-numbing television, and a thousand other things. I can do so all on my own time table. I can do so without feeling guilty. That’s what makes me who I am, as much of a cliche as that may sound (cue a Camp Rock era Demi Lovato singing This Is Me). Having more than one interest, fitting into more than one group, is a part of what differentiates a person from an individual.
I know what parts of me I want to hone in on, the parts that I want to be the best and focus my career on, but that doesn’t mean I have to push the rest of me aside. That’s not to say that I’m suddenly going to attempt being a lifestyle blogger again (dear Lord, that was a disaster), but my point is that I’m going to stop taking everything so damn seriously. Yes, my blog is very important to me and I want to take it seriously for that reason, but I also want to enjoy it. My writing reflects what I feel and if I’m not happy, y’all will know it.
These past two weeks have been filled with a lot of reading, painting, bedroom designing, shopping, cooking, family time, friend time, and learning how to go from being overly concerned with trying to do everything right to learning how to just let go.
Life is good, everything is fine, we are all trying to figure it out. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. A little pressure is good, but don’t go crazy with it. Okay? Take a breather. Go outside for a minute, breathe in some fresh air, do whatever you need to do to relax and refocus. There is nothing wrong with doing something solely because you enjoy it. Despite what you may think, you need those activities just as much as every other important thing written in your planner.