I will never understand the heart of someone who can blatantly lie, lie through omission, or anything else of the sort. I will truly never understand the heart of somebody who does so when they claim to care for the person they are lying to.
One of the downfalls of the Internet culture we currently live in is how easy it is to be a liar. I suppose we all are to some degree, but I’m talking about flat out deceit. I’m talking about saying one thing aloud and your actions online being a complete juxtaposition. Sure, it’s easy to hide, but why do it? There has to be a serious lack of consideration for other’s to do something as selfish as lie about who you truly are, what you do, the things you are involved in, etc.
I won’t make this an emotionally-charged “all men do is lie” kind of post, because there are plenty of lying women out there too (as well as honest men and women, of course), but I only know what I have experienced and what I have experienced is frankly appalling.
There are few things more selfish than telling someone you care about them, while turning around a moment later to act as if they mean nothing to you through the art of deception. And, oh yes, it is an art. When someone wants something hidden, they learn how to become con artists, covering their tracks the best they know how while painting themselves as someone different. Better, often.
How can a man or woman watch somebody fall in love with them, watch that person give everything they can offer to them, watch that person fall for someone that does not truly exist? That’s what someone presents in a relationship when they are dishonest or intentionally leave out imperative details: a convoluted illusion of a person they are not. All for what? To simultaneously spare their partner’s feelings and their own asses, or even just their own asses. That, my friends, is selfish.
If you hide it, that’s lying. If you intentionally leave it out of a conversation with your partner, that’s lying. If you feel any tiny bit of remorse, that’s probably lying, though I’m starting to doubt that the people who go through the trouble of lying feel any amount of guilt.
And your partner picks up on most of the signs, like the way you get defensive about certain topics or the way you tilt your phone screen away from them slightly or how you shift the blame onto them when you suspect they might be on to you. They may be in denial, wanting so badly to believe the best of you. If you care about someone and the idea of being the person that intentionally causes them emotional distress does not tear you up inside, then you do not actually care about them.
If you are doing something that you need to hide, you probably shouldn’t be doing it at all.
Lies have a way of surfacing at some point, whether one actively searches for them or not. To crush someone’s trust in you is to sever the relationship. It may not be immediate, but believe me, they will never see you the same way again.
And yet I have watched so many people continue with a relationship with no true consideration for the other person. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them,” is not only mostly inaccurate because it’s the not-knowing that really can drive someone insane, but it’s the epitome of the attitude I’m trying to explain: a total lack of care and consideration for the person they claim to care the most about.
If you’d like more, some other contenders for my quote of choice were:
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters” (Albert Einstein), “If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake; it’s just their behavior” (Dr. Steve Maraboli), and “The most attractive thing a man can do is exactly what he says he’s going to do” (unknown).
A PSA for the people who are currently lying or considering lying to their partner/anyone in general really: Just stop. Stop doing things you know you shouldn’t. Stop being selfish. Stop hurting people who treat you with respect. It’s probably not nearly as difficult as it seems. You don’t have to lie. It’s not helping anyone, not even you.