2/16/2017: Numb, But Not In A Bad Way

I’ve been trying to figure out what to write, but my mind isn’t cooperating. I have too many half-thought thoughts swirling around in my brain to make one whole thought. It’s a mess up there.

And it’s even harder to write when you don’t know what to feel. Right now, not much. Two days ago, too much. I have too many things to think about to really feel any of them. I don’t know much of anything at the moment beyond existing.

Today, I got out of bed. I went to work. I smiled when I was supposed to. I laughed with people I like. It was genuine, too. But as soon as the moment passed, it had passed. That was it. No residual feelings.

It’s not a bad thing, even if it sounds like it is. I love days like this because nothing can shake me. I love days like this because it’s easy to be present in the moment.

I went to an impromptu lunch in a local fast food restaurant after work, and I relished in all the memories I have made in that building: post-beach lunches, casual dates, hanging out after school on Friday’s, a pit-stop on the way to Blockbuster when it was still down the street. I enjoyed reminiscing without my memories being clouded by any current emotions I have. I couldn’t be sad that they were gone or happy that I was reliving them. It just simply was. I simply was. 

I’m ready to feel again, though. I like my emotions. They help me understand the world around me, the people around me, even God. I feel everything strongly and I use my emotions to write, to learn, and to love people. It’s been only a couple days and I already miss it.



2 thoughts on “2/16/2017: Numb, But Not In A Bad Way

  1. Sometimes it’s good to just live in the moment uninterrupted with nothing but you’re own thoughts. People try and make big events of everything, and that can be exhausting. But every now and then it’s best to just be for a little while.
    I like these new kinds of posts. Keep them coming!


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