My skin feels stretched and worn,
Ill-fitting around my fragile bones.
My clothes are shrinking everyday
And I can’t make any of it stop.
I never thought that the tightening feeling in the pit of my stomach
Would one day feel like an accomplishment.
I should be celebrating,
Bragging to all of my friends,
Because I’m finally h u n g r y.
I worked so hard to get here.
You don’t know how good it feels.
In order to be h a p p y,
I need to be s k i n n y,
And to be s k i n n y,
I need to be h u n g r y.
That was step one.
I’ve already jumped over the biggest hurdle!
So this is progress,
I’m finally h u n g r y,
So why won’t you p r a i s e m e?
I’m tired of counting every calorie,
Crying when I lose control.
I won’t do it anymore.
I can be strong enough to resist every temptation thrown my way.
I’m so h u n g r y
That I’m starting to feel d i z z y,
So please just p r a i s e m e
Because you were the one who said,
“No one will love you until you fix your flaws.”
Maybe one day my face will be clear,
Maybe my hair won’t be frizzy anymore,
Maybe the gap in my teeth will be nothing but a lovable quirk,
But you were right:
No one will love a body like mine.
Not when it curves in all the wrong places,
And curves are only desirable when you have a flat stomach to match.
I tried to stand taller and walk with confidence,
But you keep making jokes about how I look pregnant.
I’m not laughing along anymore.
I always sink back into myself.
I always think I can hide,
But it’s already wrapped itself around my whole body.
F A T.
F A T.
E A T
It’s eating me alive,
Consuming every inch of the skeleton body hiding underneath.
It’s quickly consuming my mind too.
Soon there will be nothing of sustenance left,
But at least I will be s k i n n y.
(This might turn out looking strange if you’re on mobile because of all the weird spacing, so I’m sorry if that’s the case!)
Please consider that I am not supporting or condoning losing weight in an unhealthy way. If it gets to this point, please don’t let it get worse. You can get help. There are people willing and waiting to help you and support you through every bit of it. It’s never too late and you are never too far gone.