Thoughts On Loneliness

Let’s talk about loneliness. It sucks.

I mean, it really sucks. Humans were created to interact with one another, to form relationships of all kinds with one another. When that’s hard to find, it can easily take a toll on the emotional and overall mental health of a person. We crave human interaction like nothing else, whether we can easily admit it or not.

And yes, this is coming from one of the most shy, introverted people on the planet. There’s a huge difference between being alone to recharge and enjoying the solitude of your own thoughts, and just flat out being lonely because you don’t have another choice than to be alone. Even the most introverted people require some interaction and long-lasting bonds with people. I’m going to be one-hundred percent honest here (remember, no-judge zone) in saying that I would most likely not be alive, or at least I’d have much less reason to want to be, if it weren’t for the relationships I do have, particularly the ones with my mom and sister. They are not my reason for living, but they give me reason to live. That’s partly what people do for one another: add another layer of interest and substance and reason in each others’ lives. 

That being said, people thrive off of having several types of relationships in their lives at once: romantic, friendship, familial, casual, etc. I’m not going to sit here and complain about how I have none of those, because, like I mentioned, I do and I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world, but I just don’t have a whole lot of them by our society’s standards. Especially in the world of college students I am in right now, friends are supposed to be…everything. I “should” be going to parties and going to IHOP at 4 a.m. with my exclusive group of 5-10 friends every night. We “should” be spending every moment together, laughing all the time and trying to make everyone else jealous of how much fun we have together. That’s great and all, but I’ve never been the type to make friends easily, so I have very little experience with that kind of lifestyle.

I’ve done a lot of self-searching to figure out why most people I meet seem to take an interest in me at first, but get bored very quickly and move on (no pity party here, I’m getting to a point), as it happens with almost every person I meet. I still can’t find an answer, as I try to pick apart my every flaw and wonder “which one is so bad that it makes everyone want to leave?” But there was once a quote I heard a couple years ago that pops in my head every time I think that way: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches” (Dita Von Teese). So, no matter what I do to change who I am, there will always be people who don’t like me, or just simply don’t have an interest in being my friend/more-than-a-friend/anything. And that’s okay.

As a society, we put so much pressure on relationships and friendships and all kinds of relationships, that we feel too embarrassed to ever admit that we are lonely, and we do everything in our power to prevent that impending feeling of I-will-never-find-anyone. Hence the “I’m bored, who wants to hang out?” Facebook posts and gushing about how much we love our friends on Instagram when we could just say it to their faces and all the Snapchat stories that make us seem so popular and busy all the time. We call anyone we exchange glances with to be a close friend, because in reality, we all fear loneliness. We fear facing it ourselves, and we fear letting other people know “hey, I actually don’t have many friends” or “oh, I don’t have any plans or even potential plans tonight.”

There is nothing wrong with being lonely. There is nothing wrong with not having a lot of friends or boyfriends or whoever. I will tell you right now, I am incredibly lonely. I literally got a cat to curb my loneliness, and if that doesn’t paint a picture for you, I don’t know what else will. I cling to people because I don’t know when they will leave. I fall in love easily because I think, “just maybe this time.” I had, what I had hoped was a chance with somebody who checked all the boxes for me, a really interesting and funny guy, but I clearly ruined it because now he only answers my messages once in a blue moon out of sympathy. That one kills me. There are the old friends who let me go when I decided I didn’t want to drink and go to parties every night, and I still think about that a lot. There are the family members who I tried to keep in contact with, but don’t put in any effort in return. Etc., etc., etc., but so what? I am lonely, but it’s not the worst thing in the world. I am not lonely 24/7, because I have pets that need me to survive, family that loves me, and two friends that I don’t get to see often enough but have been with me for eight years so far.

I am lonely, but I am not alone.

Being lonely is a part of human nature, but no one is truly alone. There’s always at least one person who has your back, despite those who come and go. Even if that is somehow the case, there’s always God. He’s surely not going anywhere if you let Him in. And some people are only meant to be a part of your life for a certain amount of time; maybe you needed to learn something from them, or they from you. Loneliness is a passing feeling, a fear of being rejected for not being the most popular person you can be, but being truly alone should never be a worry because it isn’t going to happen.

Do I wish I had more close friends, or that I could see mine more often? Yes. Do I wish that super nice guy would suddenly message me confessing his love for me? Well, heck yeah. Do I wish I was closer with more family members? Of course. But here’s the thing: friends, boyfriends, family, etc. relationships mean nothing if they are not the right ones. At the end of the day, I am not alone. Just lonely for now.

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6 thoughts on “Thoughts On Loneliness

  1. Awww!! I loved this post so much. Just a lot of what I’m feeling right now :( You are such a sweet & soulful girl, not sure if that’s a word but you know what I mean. I love how you write from your heart, it’s so endearing. I moved to a new city & have very few friends. But at this point in my life I am happy with having very few great genuine friends rather than 100 fake ones. I can pretty much count them on 1 hand! It’s one reason I deleted FB I was so over the pretentious friends that have to post everything to prove they have it all! I’m in a pretty bad time right now with someone I care so deeply about but I have to let go because it’s ruining both our lives. That person is the reason for me not feeling lonely, I don’t know how I can let go but I have no choice :( You’re posts are so heartfelt & I can always relate. Just remember you always have me as a friend. Love to you always xoxoxo

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    1. You are in my prayers. It’s difficult letting people go; sometimes it’s repairable and best to work it out, but sometimes it does more harm than good to hold on. If you’re only keeping someone around because you fear being alone, then maybe being alone is exactly what you need because it will make you stronger in the end. I realized toward the end of my relationship with my ex that I had gotten to a point of holding on solely because I was so used to having someone always there, and yeah it’s been really tough learning how to just enjoy some loneliness and embrace it, but I am doing it. And I don’t regret it for a second. So, just think about what is best for everyone involved, yourself included, and make a decision. Whatever the decision is, just consider every factor and know you aren’t alone! I find that in figuring out difficult situations, the best thing I can do is keeping a good balance between prayer (or thoughts in solitude) and talking to people you know have good judgement and care for you as a person. Anyway, sorry if that was long, but I feel for you! I’ve lost a best friend and a boyfriend in a similar situation to what you described, so I thought I’d offer the little insight I have! Keep your head up; you always have a friend in me as well. Love ya!! <3

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      1. Aww thank you so much for replying! You are really sweet for sharing that with me. I know it’s going to be difficult but it has to be done, thank you for being so caring, you’re absolutely right I have to have faith that it’s the right decision. Thanks again my sweet friend xoxoxo

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  2. I agree with everything you said. There’s a certain risk you take in befriending new people, such as the finality in majority of them. Some of them you can help, others you can’t. It’s easy to blame yourself for the issue, but the truth is that life is a series of stepping stones and transitions which encourage separation. College is a particularly trying transition, as you see so many close friends disappear from your life for one reason or another. I know that’s happened to me. In addition, there’s a certain pressure in life to never be alone which makes people even more afraid. Though I feel the best way to go about it is to define happiness in your own way. Whether you find happiness among a few friends or a ton of them, never let anyone convince you you’re going about it the wrong way.
    And I hope you know you still got me if you ever feel alone.

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  3. I agree with everything you said. There’s a certain risk in befriending new people, mainly the finality the comes with most of them. Sometimes you can help it, other times you can’t, but each scenario still sucks the same. The truth is that life is a series of transitions and stepping stones which encourage separation. In addition, life has a tendency of frowning upon being alone, as if it’s only acceptable to have as many friends as possible. I remember transitioning twice in my life and losing a bunch of friends along the way. What I eventually realized is that happiness is only what you define it to be. Whether it’s via a few people or a bunch of people, the only thing that should matter is your view of happiness and no one else’s.
    And I hope you know that if you ever feel alone, you still got me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that is a wonderful point. We often put our happiness in other people because that’s easy, but not healthy. Happiness has to come from within ourselves. No one will ever give you the kind of happiness that you can provide yourself. Losing friends is a really difficult thing, but it’s inevitable and is more important that you know you can find joy in your life despite that. I think we all grew up with the mentality that friends are everything (seriously, just look at any kids’ show…) and everything else is great, but secondary. In reality, most people don’t have a thousand friends, and if they do, they are very loosely considered “friends” because literally no one can have that many people super close to them. It’s all about striking a balance, but realizing that not having an unlimited amount of friends is not the end of the world. Even if it feels like it.
      Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment. The same is true on my end, you got me.

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